Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Habits Aren't Just For Nuns, You Know.

I am a creature of habit. 

Ever since The Boy came back from his summer at dad's, he's been hogging my Internet connection.  You may recall that we are tethered, one laptop at a time, to a modem here at the Sweet Bachelorette Pad.  You say it's sad, I say it's "retro."  Tomato, toe-mah-toe.

Anyhow, he's been hogging my Internet connection.  He does eventually go to bed, but by the time I get online, it's like 10 p.m. and I'm not exactly in the "writing an awe-inspiring blog post" mood.

"Kat, you are gorgeous.  (thank you for that unsolicited compliment.) Just write your post in Word whenever you want, then upload it to your blog at night.  Problem solved.  And you are really gorgeous."  (thank you again, dearest reader.)

That idea makes perfect sense.  Why don't I do it, you ask?  Simple.  For the past 3 years, I've followed these steps, with little or no variation:

How to Write a Blog Post
by Kat
1. Make dinner.

2.  Do dinner dishes; treat any 1st degree burns received while making said dinner.

3.  Pour Coke Zero with at least 4 ice cubes.

4.  Yell at whatever child is within earshot for not refilling ice tray.

5.  Pour Coke Zero with 2 ice cubes.

6.  Locate laptop, settle into recliner with Coke Zero.

7.  Drink Coke Zero as quickly as possible so that I can eat the ice cubes.  Crunch on ice, all the while thinking of how I'm destroying $10,000 worth of dental work.

8.  Consider what has either excited me/intrigued me/pissed me off over the past 24 hours.

9.  Log into Google Blogger and vent about whatever crossed my mind in #8.

10.  Utter a few off-color words as my computer shuts down unexpectedly.

11.  Locate laptop charger cord and plug in.  Send up a prayer of thanks to the Google universe for its "autosave" feature.

12.  Add whatever pictures might go with my rant (aka "post").

13.  Hit "publish."

This is how it's done, dearest reader.  Any variation from these 13 steps, and chaos ensues.  Skip the Coke Zero - the ice tray - the dead battery - and I seriously think the earth will stop turning and all the people will fall off.

So imagine my dismay when I can't follow my steps because a certain teenager has absconded with my Internet connection.  My fear....my trepidation...my heartache....my nausea.   It's almost like being in love.

My goal for this week - and it's a doozy - is to write something EVERY DAY in Word with the intent of posting it at some future point.  Anarchy!  Insanity!

I will keep you posted.  (Clever pun, yes?)  If you notice that the tides seem to be doing funky things, and gravity isn't working so good - you will know why.

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