Thursday, February 2, 2012

I Can't Feel My Legs At The Moment.

Well, the Stair Climb is rapidly approaching - a month away.  My Stevens County boys have been training their sweet little hearts out.  1311 stairs - 60+ pounds of gear - these are my boys. 

To show my support for the team, as the Internet's reigning Firefighter Advocate, I decided yesterday that I would start training with them (remotely, of course, because they are 150 miles away).  There's no "practice building" for me here in the middle of nowhere, but I have a step and a lap counter.  If my boys can do this with all that gear, certainly I can do it with just little old me, right?  I have, after all, DAYS of fitness training behind me.  Why, in March, I'll just JOG to the top of the tower for my volunteer post!  No elevator for me, thank you.

So, with counter in hand and King of the Hill on the TV, off I went.  Step-click-step-click-step-click-step-step-click- DAMN!

Focus, Tina.  Focus.

About 10 minutes into it, I noticed a not unpleasant burning in my calves.  Wow, this feels great!  I must be halfway up the building by now.  Firefighters throw rose petals at my feet as I jog past.

Five minutes later, it was more of a  ""  We must pace ourselves, after all.

It all gets foggy around now as I fall in and out of consciousness, but I do recall a "" sound before I hit the floor.

As I lay there, staring up my sweet bachelorette pad ceiling (gee, when did it get textured?) I flopped my head back and forth spasmodically, looking for my little tally counter.  Turns out it rolled out of my lifeless hand and landed under the futon.  I reached for it...flipped it over...and it said:  523.

523.   That puts me somewhere around floor 27.

Scene - The Columbia Tower, Floor 27, during the Scott Stair Climb. Firefighter Mike and Firefighter Sean come rumbling up the stairs, taking 2 at a time, when Mike catches an inert object out of the corner of his eye.

Firefighter Mike:  Do you see that?  What is it?

Firefighter Sean:  It looks like a woman.  Sort of.

Tina:  gargraahhhh arrgghhlll.

FM:  Dude, what do we do?  I was really hoping to shave a few minutes off my time this year.

FS:  (Throwing what's left of Tina over his broad shoulder) No problem, I'll just carry her the rest of the way.  We're only looking at 40 more stories.

Tina:  graagghhh rrrlll mmmmrrrddd??

FS:  What did she say?

FM:  I think she just asked you if you are married.

FS:  Wow, Firefighter Mike!  Do you know who this is???!!!!  This is KAT!!!!!  I read her stuff every day!!!!  I can't believe how FORTUNATE I am to carry her up these stairs!!!

FM:  Uh, I think she just threw up a little on you.


I have a month....I can only go up from here, right?  Tomorrow I bet I can make it to, uh, FLOOR 28!  WHO'S WITH ME?


  1. LOL! Your fantasy scenes crack me up.

  2. HA!

    27 is AWESOME!! I gasp after 2. STEPS (not stories!)

  3. I just discovered ur blog and find it very entertaining. Your witty yet sarcastic sense of humor is right up my alley. Everyone should care and support the stair climb in Seattle, it is for a great cause as well as in remembrance for the fallen who gave without a thought their own lives. I'm sure the guys in Stevens county appreciate ur support. It is great that u r volunteering to b there to support and encourage the firefighters, and the added benefit of seeing handsome brave men all sweaty in uniform! That r weak by the time they get to the top and do not have the strength to resist a woman waiting to cater to them lol

  4. Candy - I like the way you think.

  5. Hey Candy!! Go back and read her RDJR Blog!!! OMG!!!

    She's My Tina!!


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