About to Lap Myself.

The deadline is still weeks away, and I’m already behind.

 

You see, I had set this deadline of 2/14 to launch my website for my business.  I based that on a little side job that I was supposed to do in December, which would have netted me a little extra cabbage.  I was going to take a wedge of said cabbage and use it to get my site up, my pictures done, etc.  Well, guess what.  The parties settled out of court, so the side job didn’t happen, so no extra Kat cabbage.

 

Well, we will adjust our plan.  People build their own sites all the time, right?  Any jackwagon with a laptop should be able to do this, right?  I actually did take a website development class for 2 days.  In 1996.  You may find this beyond belief, dearest reader, but that wealth of knowledge doesn’t seem to be serving me so well in the 21^st century.

After about 8 seriously bad starts, I texted Thor.  “I’m an idiot, what was I thinking, this was a stupid idea, I’ll never pull it off.”  Keep in mind, the poor guy has had to listen to me rant about how hard it is to build a website for, like, 8 weeks now.  His response – “Not stupid.  Ambitious.”   Thor always knows what to say.  He’s Mama to my Forrest Gump.

 Thor then pointed out that I won’t be happy with what I create, that I need to face up to that fact, and that I need to pay somebody to create my site.  The insinuation there is, Kat is a perfectionist whose goals sometimes, on very, very RARE occasions, exceed her ability.  Cough cough.  And that perhaps Kat knows about as much as your average third grader when it comes to website development (assuming that the third grader is in public school, and not some charter program).

So, alas, here we sit.  Perhaps I’ll find DB Cooper’s backpack between now and Valentine’s Day.  

Regarding the job, to which I so cleverly hinted recently; it is not meant to be.  Truth be told, my interview was akin to lighting a firecracker in a funeral home.  Not exactly a good fit, best decision for all, blah blah blah.  But it still sucks not to get picked, even for something you might not necessarily want.

Sigh.

Time to Climb Some Stairs, Ya'll.

 

 

 

 

Greetings, dearest reader.  It is time, once again, for the Scott Air Pack Stairclimb.   While I'm not volunteering at the event this year, I am again helping the Stevens County Fire District in their fundraising efforts. 

 

 

I'm copying my first post on the event from last year to get us all in the mood.  You, my awesome readership, raised about 10% of the district's total fundraising goal with your generous donations.  I hope that you will consider giving again.

 

 

Kat

 

 

 

 

 

This is me and my dad, circa 1971. Of all our daddy/daughter photos over the years, it’s my favorite – I look grumpy, he looks like Elvis. And yes, that stroller is probably solid lead and I’m certainly lucky to be alive. Check out his tan line from the watch he evidently decided not to wear that day.

I don’t know what was going on that day. From the attire, I’m guessing I was taking a springtime stroller ride to my grandparent’s house, which was a block away for the first 16 years of my life. My dad probably had the day off work – he worked construction on hydroelectric projects, so days off were pretty precious to him – and my mom must have cajoled him into having his picture taken with Baby Girl. The rest of the day’s agenda is long forgotten. I do know, however, that about 12 years after this picture was taken, my dad was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and spend the next several years fighting cancer. And that kid in the stroller would spend her high school years being “the kid of the guy with cancer”, always spoken in hushed tones. To be blunt, none of us (including his medical team) are quite sure how he survived. I’ve jokingly stated that my dad has been trying to die of cancer for 30 years, but hasn’t figured out how yet. This is not far from the truth, as we’ve dealt with the effects of disease and chemotherapy on his body and a relapse a few years ago.

In March, my firefighter friend Alex is driving to Seattle, donning 75 pounds of turnout gear, taping this photo of Dad and me to his helmet, and racing up 69 flights of stairs to raise money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.  There will be up to 1500 firefighters participating – and the honor of participating in the event is via a PURCHASED TICKET. This year, those tickets were gone within an HOUR of their availability online. I get asked a lot why I chose firefighting for my blog project this year – here’s one of many reasons, dearest reader. A prime example of the character of those who choose the life of a first responder, which deserves to be acknowledged and applauded.

Anyhow, the time has come to start raising funds for this event. All of the funds we come up with will be donated via the Stevens County Fire Protection District No. 1 team, of which Alex is a member. 

Here’s a  Link that you can use to donate online to this event, at whatever level you like.  Your donation can be made in your own name, in honor of someone else, or anonymously, if you so choose.

I have no doubt that this organization played a role in the development of my father’s treatment back in the 80’s which saved his life and gave him the opportunity to watch his kids and grandkids grow up. Maybe you have someone in your family, maybe a friend, who has been hit with either leukemia or lymphoma. Maybe you don’t have that person with you anymore. If you aren’t the child of a survivor like I am, but rather the child of a victim, God bless you tonight.

One last note – here’s a link to a video of Stevens County 1 participating in the 2011 Stair Climb. I’ve watched it, oh, a zillion times. I don’t know who created it, but they did a really good job. And yes, the big honkin’ omelet scene makes me want to gack. Stevens County 1 obviously needs me – they don’t know that firefighters are supposed to be Vegan.

January - Go Big or Go Back to 2012.

Hello, my little chickens.  Welcome to 2013.  Live long and prosper.

So now that the calendar has flipped, I can go ahead and let you all in on my newest BIG PROJECT.  On 2/14/13, I will be launching my very own website....can I get a woot woot?  I will actually be opening a business, writing online dating profiles and providing coaching to those desiring to navigate the murky waters of the online dating ocean.  Don't drink the water, it will make you hallucinate.

I've actually been doing this for a while for those in my social circle, but in a moment of rabid capitalism, decided that I'm ready to start getting PAID for it.  So there you have it.  My new gig.  There's money in love, and not just the illegal stuff.

I'm also going through the interviewing process this month for a job that I would really, really like to have.  But, alas, if I don't get it - well, something else will come along.  As I'm sure you've all memorized my list of "100 things to do in 2013", you recall that one of them was "find a new job."  Details to follow.  (This job is actually blog-related....ooohhhh...the suspense.....)

So that's my plan for the month.  I will keep you posted, as you can well imagine.  What are YOU planning on doing in January?

FDNY Written Exam - The Results.

Last weekend I took the test.  The biggie.  The test to end all tests.  FDNY.  Two hundred questions which had been sweated over by hopeful recruits on the other side of the country, all of whom were much younger than me, and certainly better qualified.  The culmination of my little project, 14 months of my life, right in my little hand.

I'd been reading, observing, studying, flirting, and interviewing for over a year in preparation for this moment.  The exam itself looked innocuous enough; a few diagrams, floor plans, 200 bubbles to fill in.  I wanted a 90.  I'd settle for an 80.  I plopped into my spot on Thor's couch, took a deep breath, and jumped.

My 200-question test actually consisted of 2 100-question tests, so I flew through the first one and scored it.  It didn't seem so hard, and I got a 90.  I knew then...Kat is not settling for an 80.  I needed a 90 on test 2.  After all, test 1 wasn't so hard, right?  I should get another 90, no problem.  I am Kat, hear me roar.

Cough cough.

Test 2 was more difficult.  WAY more difficult.  Turns out FDNY actually expects you to APPLY what you've learned in Fire Science class and use deductive reasoning, rather than just regurgitate facts.  Geesh.  Having not actually taken any fire science classes, I had to rely on my months of exam prep, my years in the military, and 8 seasons of Rescue Me episodes. 

I colored in my last bubble and turned to the answer key.  Honestly, I almost couldn't grade it.  I almost had to ask Thor to do it for me.  Almost. 

I went down the column, bouncing back and forth between bubble sheet and answer key, the letters like machine gun fire from my mouth ...."A B D B C C A C B B D"...... and then it was done.  I looked back over my test sheet to assess the damage.

There was none.  I got a 100 on test 2. 

I looked at Thor, eyes wide, mouth gaping.  "I did it.  I got a 95."

I remember his face bursting into a huge grin, eyes lighting up, a little bark of laughter.  I don't recall tackling him, but I did end up all wrapped up in him with my face snuggled up under his chin.   In this moment of complete contentment, I murmured,  "If I were a different person, in a different body - I would have made an excellent firefighter." 

I felt his smile against my forehead, his whiskered chin on the bridge of my nose as he planted a little kiss on it.  "Yes, babe, you would have."

I would have.

Patience, Grasshopper.

Good evening, dearest reader.

I know you are anxiously awaiting a report on Saturday night’s events.  The dress… the food…the entertainment….Thor’s tie….  Questions jangle, jumble and clamor in your mind, falling over each other in a battle for acknowledgment and relevancy like Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey on the set of American Idol.  I regret to say that you must wait a little longer, my little chickens, because I don’t have the pictures yet.  Yes, there was a photographer, and yes, he was truly amazed at my knowledge of how to stand when getting my picture taken.  “A pro”, he said.  Actually, I think he may have said “an OLD pro,” but I’m choosing to suppress that part.

 Anyhow, The Boy leaves to spend part of Christmas break with his dad on Sunday.  After I drop him off, I will be heading to Thor’s to take my ginormous FDNY exam.  He doesn’t know yet.  So, in the interest of open communication, a private note to Thor:  Thor, darling – on Sunday I’m coming over to take my test.  All I need are:  a Coke Zero, a big glass of ice, the blue Snuggie, and your undying devotion.  You may wish to hide the cat in case it doesn't go so well.

A Consolidation and a LBD

I took my third test.   It was uneventful; I got an 86.  Not great, not horrible.  Sigh.

I have one more “short” exam before the two “long” exams.  Just for giggles, I casually flipped ahead last night to the first long exam.  My eyes scanned the first page in a way that said “I don’t expect to see anything interesting here,” when BAM.   My chin dropped, my eyes widened, a sharp intake of breath – in the middle of a rather innocuous-looking page loomed these words:

OFFICIAL NEW YORK CITY EXAMINATION

 
I hurriedly flipped to the second long exam.  Again, the words:

OFFICIAL NEW YORK CITY EXAMINATION

Score, baby.  Can I get a woot woot?

So, we are revising our original schedule.  I’m blowing off Exam 4 (because I can) and am combining 5 and 6 into one super-exam.  It will probably take me 3 hours (I am a supposed to allow for 6) and there will certainly be much weeping and gnashing of teeth.  Somebody needs to warn Thor.

Speaking of Thor, this Friday is his company’s Christmas party.  It’s going to be held at a lovely resort; there will be fancy cocktails and dancing; a good time will be had by all.  Being Kat, it didn’t really occur to me that I should think about what I was going to wear until, oh, Sunday.    You see, to say that my wardrobe is “limited” is like saying Lindsay Lohan is “troubled.”  My company’s Christmas party is Thursday, and we are all leaving directly from work, so everyone will be in jeans.  This type of party I can accommodate.  With growing apprehension, I mentally scanned my closet and asked Thor what the dress code will be for Friday.  His diplomatic response:  “I guess it’s a ‘little black dress’ event.”  Houston, we have a problem.

 
I do own a dress.  It’s a white eyelet lace sundress.  I wore it once and thought I looked ridiculous, so I never wore it again.  I then remembered the GORGEOUS red dress I bought on my 42^nd birthday, a little over a year ago.  It’s now at least 3 sizes too big.  I recall giving it away, now that I think about it; two non-options there.  So, last night I did something I’ve never done in my entire adult life.  I spent my Christmas money, my gift from my parents, on MYSELF.  No bill paying, no buying groceries, no buying stocking stuffers for the kids, which is what I usually end up spending it on.  I went to the mall, bought a Little Black Dress (in a Medium, thank you very much), some black heels that might end up being the cause of my first broken collarbone, and some black hose.  Thor is going to pass out, I guarantee it.   If he doesn’t, he may wish to fake passing out to soothe my vanity.  I will have a full report for you on Saturday.

Now I just need to remember where I put my Spanx.

100 Things...365 Days. Assuming the Mayans Were Wrong, Of Course.

Here it is, as promised.  My list of 100 things to do in 2013.  

So, before you start some sort of prayer circle for me, can I just take a moment to explain #8, the pole-dancing class?  I'm not starting a new career in exotic dancing.  What I MEANT was, I want to take the pole-dancing EXERCISE classes.  Yes, there is such a thing, and yes, it is perfectly respectable.  So there.

Thor emailed me his list last night.  I gave him a copy of my list (I got done first, because that's how I roll) and he waited until his was finished before reading mine.  I was surprised to see how many of our list items were either identical or very, very similar.  Anyhow, he read mine, and pronounced me to be a "granola."  Excuse me, but I know of no granola-ish person that carries Coach.

As I read through my list of 2013 goals, I couldn't help but think...."Wow, now this would make an AMAZING blog."  But alas, I have other projects to work on in the coming year, and it's not meant to be.  However, my dearest reader - if YOU, perhaps, are looking to start a blog of your very own, why, here's an idea!  Free!  Gratis!  Courtesy of your favorite SSG, Kat. You should probably come up with your own list, though.  I can't do EVERYTHING for you.

Now, without further ado:

100 Things Kat Will Do in 2013

1.       Go vegetarian. (again)

2.       Start my day before 6 a.m.

3.       Take my supplements every day.

4.       Regardless of how I feel or what is going on, move for at least 30 minutes a day, every day.

5.       Drink a straight shot of vodka.

6.       Establish a workable budget.

7.       Pay off my student loans.

8.       Take a pole-dancing class.

9.       Buy a bottle of wine every month based solely on its cool label.

10.   Take off my makeup every night.

11.   Launch my business on time.

12.   Get something (anything) published.

13.   Find a new job.

14.   Pass the fire exam.

15.   Set workable goals for my business and carve out the time to achieve them.

16.   Go to Carr’s One of a Kind Museum.

17.   Get my palm read.

18.   Say or do something that renders Thor completely speechless.

19.   Refit my bike so that it’s functional.

20.   Take at least 3 decent-length bike rides per week during the months of June, July and August.

21.   Get my tattoo touchup done.

22.   Declare Sunday night at 8 to be my sacred time to plan my coming week – and actually do it.

23.   Carry my daily planner with me everywhere I go.

24.   Buy a new, lighter laptop or possibly a tablet.

25.   Touch a snake.

26.   Get a wireless router.

27.   Develop a new hobby – something I’ve never done before.

28.   Go indoor rock wall climbing.

29.   Give up pop completely.

30.   Take a three-day weekend someplace-anyplace – just me and Thor.

31.   Take 1 continuing education class.

32.   Make jam.

33.   Give away one thing per month for no reason at all.

34.   Do not spend any pennies – put them in a jar and give it away on December 1^st to the charity of The Boy’s choice.

35.   Develop a personal style and cultivate it, so that by the end of the year, everyone will recognize it as “my thing.”

36.   Go kayaking.

37.   Do a juice fast every other Wednesday.  Use the time normally spent eating in thoughtful meditation.

38.   Shoot 5 free throws in a row.

39.   Buy some new Nikes.

40.   Get a cell phone provider that doesn’t blow.

41.   Write an actual letter with an actual pen on actual paper, and mail it with an actual stamp.

42.   Research a topic that nobody cares about.  Become an expert and tell everyone I see in a 24-hour period about said topic.  Record their reaction.

43.   Give up paper towels.

44.   Use paraben-free products.

45.   Watch Schindler’s List.

46.   For people over 18, give only gifts that have at least one handmade element to them.

47.   Buy a new vacuum cleaner, one that has actual bags.

48.   Rotate my tires every six months.

49.   Stop saying the f word.

50.   Get a really nice tote bag that I can carry every day.   Preferably Coach.

51.   Discover my signature scent.

52.   Have “Sunday night dinner”, which includes real food, dessert, and sitting down together at the table.

53.   Establish a chore list and allowance for The Boy.

54.   Find a dentist.

55.   Make something in the crock pot at least once per month.

56.   Save $5,000.

57.   Whenever Thor and I eat out together, if there is a pickle on his plate, ask him if I can have his pickle.

58.   Get a new coat for The Boy.

59.   Buy a new lipstick every 3 months.

60.   Get professional pictures done for my website/business marketing.

61.   Ride a zip line.

62.   Play Space Invaders.

63.   Cancel my cable and reactivate my Netflix.

64.   Consider all constructive criticism, no matter its source.

65.   Bake an angel food cake from scratch.

66.   Do 4 hours of volunteer work every month.

67.   Patronize the farmer’s market as often as possible in the summer.

68.   Do not, under any circumstance, set foot in a Wal-Mart.

69.   Buy a really nice pair of heels.

70.   Weather permitting, spend at least an hour a day outside.

71.   Pay back the money my parents gave me when I moved.  They probably won’t accept it, but try anyway.

72.   Sing in front of a group.

73.   Eat at a fondue place.

74.   Find the perfect hat.

75.   Get a Spokane library card and use it.

76.   Get a real TV.

77.   Give Nikki a weekly brushout.

78.   Redo my spice bottles.

79.   Buy a silver bracelet that looks nice with my fire necklace and the ring I wear every day.

80.   Wear my pearls as often as possible; ideally at least weekly.

81.   Go back to candles.  The wax melter thing just doesn’t smell as nice.

82.   Learn the first and last names of my 3 neighbors.

83.   Call my grandmother once per week.

84.   Decide on a short list of charitable causes to support.  Focus my time on those causes.

85.   Go skeet or trap shooting.

86.   Take swimming lessons.

87.   Go camping in a tent.  One night is more than sufficient.

88.   Whenever Thor asks me if I want to learn how to play a game, I will say yes.

89.   Play the slots at a casino.

90.   See a live concert.

91.   Eat something for breakfast every day.

92.   Meet somebody famous.

93.   Read a relationship book once per quarter and discuss it with Thor.

94.   Float the river.

95.   Make cheese from scratch.

96.   Visit my brother, or invite him to visit me.

97.   Plan one event per month with the 4 boys.

98.   Cry when I feel like it.  Laugh when I feel like it.  Pretty much experience my emotions as they come.

99.   Get a full body massage.

100.                      Get a Brazilian wax.