Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Is You Is or Is You Ain't?

Let me end the suspense - the type of saw you use to cut through a tenon joint is a BACK SAW.  Kudos to those of you who chose the correct answer (which was letter "a", by the way) and boo on those of you who just guessed "c" because that's what you did back in school.

Well, I was just thinking today, I haven't been called any nasty names or otherwise verbally abused here on the Internet in, well, MONTHS now, so what the heck, I might as well stick my foot in it.  Feel free - and in fact, PLEASE - leave your comments below on this topic.  I know it's all sorts of fun to put them on my facebook page, but then tens of people around the world will miss out on your witticisms, and we just can't have that, now can we.

Today's topic - "exclusive" relationships.

Here's what I think, my little chickens.   Until a man says to you that he wants to date you, and only you, and asks that you consider not dating anyone else either - YOU ARE NOT EXCLUSIVE.  And when I use the phrase "says to you," I mean with actual WORDS that come PHYSICALLY from his MOUTH.  I don't mean "gestures," "looks," or "sex."  I mean it has to be stated or it just isn't actually true.  And I don't care if it's been 2 weeks, 2 months, or 2 years, baby.

There have been a few times where I assumed that I was in a fantastic relationship - and guess what - I was there  Turns out each time, the guy wasn't living under that same assumption.  Bummer, huh.

So what do you do if you aren't exclusive?  Well, I'm going to leave that to your comfort level.  I just think that there's no reason why you can't see/talk to/go out with other people if you aren't exclusive.  (Personally, I'm a texter.  I just can't help it.)  If you want to shag them all, well, that's up to you - but darling, you probably shouldn't play with your heart like that.  And you'll also probably get chlamydia.  And it's really embarrassing to be over 25 and have to get treated for an STD, or so I would imagine. 


Anyway, you might be wondering how to address this, should one of your Mr. Rights take issue with your active social calendar.  If he does it aggressively, in a fashion that indicates he's hurt by a perceived infidelity, you can calmly and serenely explain to him that you had no idea he wanted to be exclusive - but you would be open to the discussion (assuming, of course, that you are).  Volley that shit right back at him and see what he does.

However, if he gets all passive on you, and makes comments about "all those other guys who you hang out with", meet his gaze directly, smile a little smile, and say - "well, then, take me off the market."  He will either proceed to do just that, or backtrack so fast the ocean tides might temporarily alter their courses. 

Either way, the exclusive card is officially on the table.  Mr. Right now has to step up and either claim you or let you continue on your merry way.  You maintain your feminine energy, he gets to be all masculine, and all is well with the world.

Thus endeth the lesson.  No need to thank me, dearest.  Your siren sex goddess lives to serve.

Okay, your turn.  Fire away. 

And today's fire exam question (which is a 'duh' question, in my opinion):

In what room of the home is a fire most likely to start?

a.  Kitchen
b.  Garage
c.  Living Room
d.  Bedroom


  1. I think you owe it to someone your seeing to be completely honest. They shouldn't have to "find out" that you're seeing other people. You have every right to, of course, but you should let your current bf know what you're up to, so he doesn't wind up feeling hurt or deceived. Unless you don't give a damn about him. In that case, do whatever you want and let the chips fall where they may.

  2. Devil's advocate, babe - if he hasn't stepped up, why should he assume that you AREN'T seeing other people to begin with? And you certainly should assume the same about him.

  3. Maybe I don't understand the kind of dating you're doing. Back when I was "on the market," no one ever asked these kinds of questions at all. Whoever I was seeing, was seeing me and that was it. It went both ways. Of course, I usually only went out on one date, decided the guy wasn't worth my time (or vice versa), and moved to the next. When I found one that I could stand, they stuck around for a while (exclusively from the start). In other words, don't mind me, I don't know what I'm talking about. A lot changes in 13 years.

  4. Thought you would be interested in this link!
    Crazy legislation in our state...

  5. how dare a "grown" man be upset over the fact that a privately owned company, Kat's Dairy, is activity participating in a harvest co-op. oh, the nerve of him!

    these are men you are dealing with. for many men it translates as so: "relationship" = "regular sex soon", and "exclusive" means only two things, either possible soul-mate or controlling bitch.

    if you can happily expect the worst out of people, then you will always be pleasantly surprised if they bring anything more

  6. the answer A, was real easy for most guys, it was just a matter of eliminating the wrong answers. I don't have a clue as to what a tenon joint is...??

  7. not to nit-pick but you 'cut tenon joints', the word cut used as 'to create'...not to 'cut through' a tenon joint is a nub of hardwood coupling up with a slit part of a firefighting exam?

  8. my dearest nit-picking darling - you are absolutely right. I don't know why I added "through", unless it was my subconscious desire to destroy all things neat and orderly, fighting its way to the surface of my psyche.

    And what does that have to do with firefighting?? Good question. Ask Norman Hall...he came up with the test. Perhaps in the chaos of fire-induced destruction, a lone firefighter will take it upon himself to do a little woodworking...


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